Into the Garden by Robert Hass

Author:Robert Hass [Hass, Robert]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Marriage, Religion, Love, General, Language Arts & Disciplines, Inspirational, Weddings, Literary Collections, Poetry
ISBN: 9781426855672
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 1993-01-19T00:00:00+00:00

Sloan lay on his boyhood bed, still fully dressed—except for his boots, of course. Lydia would thump his head for putting dirty feet on her hand-stitched quilt.

Lydia. He rubbed at his grainy eyes, sorrow pressing against them with such power that he required all his will not to cry like a big baby. The neighbor had graciously stayed at his aunt’s side while he was visiting Annie and Justin, although Sloan had called several times and offered to rush home. Lydia, the neighbor said, only awakened once.

He sighed, his chest almost too heavy to lift. Tonight he’d made another mess. Though the conversation with Justin had gone well, Sloan’s smart mouth had managed to alienate Annie again.

She’d stabbed him through the heart with her distrust. Rationally, he knew she had reason, or at least she believed she did. He knew better, and that knowledge was starting to eat on him. He’d almost told her the entire story, but Annie loved her father and believed the best of him. If she knew what Dooley had done, she’d be devastated. Why break up a family just because he didn’t have one?

Justin’s face floated into his consciousness. He did have a family. Sort of. He’d never given fatherhood much thought, but now that he knew about Justin, he wanted him. The weird thing was he wanted the sunshiny little girl, Delaney, too.

With a groan, he threw an arm over his eyes. “Annie.”

He’d always wanted Annie. All of this was her fault. He loved her kids because they were part of her, and he loved her.

“God, I don’t know what to do.”

God.

His conversation with Lydia came tumbling in. He’d promised to give some thought to God.

No time like the present. He wasn’t sleeping anyway. Although he wasn’t sure of the protocol for ringing up God in the middle of the night, he remembered boyhood prayers.

He threw his legs over the side of the bed, his feet touching down on a soft throw rug—the same rug he’d knelt on as a heartbroken boy, begging God to bring his mother back.

“Where were You, God?” he asked. “Lydia says You’re there. Annie, too. Where are You?”

He felt a little stupid talking out loud to the darkness, but he did anyway. He’d always believed in God. He just figured God didn’t believe in him all that much. Aunt Lydia said he was wrong, and he believed her now in a way he hadn’t when he was young and stupid. His aunt was a wise lady.

He’d considered the time twelve years ago to be the lowest point in his life. Confused, tormented, ostracized from everything and everyone he’d loved, he’d been too young, foolish and angry to cry out to God.

Tonight he was an adult with enough wisdom to know he could no longer do this by himself. Even though he’d built a successful business and had plenty of money, life still felt empty. He felt empty. A million dollars couldn’t buy happiness or peace of mind or love. And those were things he lacked.

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